Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Hold Lightly, But Don't Let Go

My young son is growing too quickly. Birthday parties are filled with young boys on the verge of teen hood. Voices lower, lips showing signs of incoming puberty. Young boys I have known since Brennan was in kindergarten. Did I blink too long? Did I lose track of time? The round sweet pink colored cheeks of youth are now transforming into thinner chiseled features of manhood. I had to hold back tears.  I'm not sure if it is sadness that took over for a moment, or the knowledge that time passes too quickly and I am just not ready. I guess, a little of both.

The next day was spent taking Brennan to meet friends that wanted to see the Emoji movie. Because of the distance we had to drive to meet the friends, I decided to stay and see the movie. I promised the boys I would stay out of their way and sit somewhere far. This was the first trek of Bren's without parents in sight. I wanted to give him that. Holding loosely, but still nearby if needed. Does that ever really go away, no matter what the age? And so, the movie was a hit with me. No crass language, no violence. A cartoon action, love story with emoji's as characters. The boys, being boys, and intensely intelligent for their ages have discussed the concept and deep meaning of the movie and decided it was beneath them and much better for young girls and their mothers.

The movie ended, the group of  boys skipped and jumped down the stairs (a leftover semblance of youth I appreciated). I made myself invisible as their next plan was to walk to the frozen yogurt shop where the parents would eventually come and pick everyone up. I decided to walk over to one of the last standing bookstores in Orange County to let the time pass more quickly.

This is where my day blossomed. Do you remember bookstores? When my husband and I started dating, it became a constant for us to go to a movie, but to leave early so that we could spend time in a nearby Barnes & Noble. There is nothing like it. The memories flooded back. It was like Amazon came to life and I could touch and feel and smell the books. The leather bounds, the soft carpeted aisles, the chairs meant for lite reading, the sounds of happy book lovers and the smell of Starbucks coffee emanating from the corner of the store. This was a piece of heaven I had not experienced in years.  Am I over stating this? No, (with a smile). For some this is a getaway.. I could've lost myself here for hours. But, the phone call came and I snapped out of my brief euphoria and back to reality. My son was done. It was time to go.

So I was given a glimpse of my son's future and an experience of his amazing friends and a gift of a long ago memory brought back to life. The realization that we truly pave paradise and throw away treasures for all things new and knowing that I can only hold lightly to my son, as he will not stop growing, maturing to manhood.

It was a living in the moment experience. A new memory to tuck away and cherish. Forward on, as it is the only direction we should move, but not letting go of the beautiful memories gifted to me and beloved.

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